miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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