does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
