my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
