I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
