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Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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