Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
