My balls are so social today.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
