I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This house was built for laser tag.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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