just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize