i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
