and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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