Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize