I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
