why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
