lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
