I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
