I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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