I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
