There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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