You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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