They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
