I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
