You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
