My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
