I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize