explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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