She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
love makes seman taste better
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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