it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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