You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
