love makes seman taste better
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize