He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
