I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize