Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
