I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
