Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
