she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
