Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
