after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
