Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize