they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
