the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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