i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
