I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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