I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
