We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
