I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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