C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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