No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
