i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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