I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
