Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
