Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The struggles of a small town man whore
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
