I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
