Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
