so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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