I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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