so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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