I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
