I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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