We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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