True but thats because hes a fetus.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
