and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
