just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize