I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
