I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
